Okay, I have a confession to make before I dive into today's post. I love reading blogs. Seriously, I can't get enough of them. I lose hours on end scanning my favorite blogs (I wish I were exaggerating).
For me, the best blogs trigger an examination of my core values. I had one of these experiences as I was reading through one of my favorites today: a blog about love.
Today's post is a response to an article I was reading about choosing happiness, "Love Story: Will there be magic?" I recommend reading it through, and assessing your own reactions, before continuing ahead with my post.
I'm willing to bet that most people have heard some version of the "choose to be happy" speech. If you're anything like me, you might even agree that it has something worthwhile to glean. It appeals to the "pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps" mentality among many of us. We want to believe we're in control of our happiness - because if not, then who is?
...And yet, whatever warm-fuzzies this idea gives me is usually quickly eclipsed by a stronger, more urgent feeling of hot indignation.
Stay with me for a bit here...
As I've been growing up (it's a process), I've believed that a secret to happiness is discipline -- especially over the ever-changing, sometimes explosive emotions that one experiences in a lifetime: anger, hurt, sadness, love. I learned to be skeptical of my inner voice because it can lie. It can trick me. So I chose to fear it, and sometimes shun it. I chose to "be happy" in spite of what I felt.
Don't get me wrong, I agree that happiness should not be predicated upon the "if" statements of life - it ought not depend on if I get into law school, if I can take back the hurt I caused someone I love, or if I can afford to live in a great apartment in Boston (preferably with a balcony and a view).
No - my happiness shouldn't depend on whether I always get my way. So, I believe in choosing happiness as long as it means that I am sincerely finding joy in the journey in spite of what challenges arise, or what patience is required to make my dreams come true.
BUT "choosing" to be happy feels incomplete to me.
It sounds overly simplistic, no? - and maybe even a little insulting. As a human being with real passions and dreams, I find this mentality difficult to relate with. I worry that I'm being attacked for wanting more, and believing that I deserve to fight for more...so we need to further refine this idea.
Allow me to illustrate.
I had a very difficult time speaking up for myself as I progressed into my major in college. I studied International Relations - a major popular among well-informed, middle-class and politically hotheaded Caucasian males. Oy. I felt very out of place.
As an immigrant and a female, I often worried that my peers expected me to stand down. I imagined that I should be happy enough that I had made it to college at all, especially in America. I felt that I should be grateful for my full-ride scholarship, and that showing gratitude meant that I should keep my head down. I was scared of being unconventional, of sounding misinformed, and of rocking the boat. At times, I feared that if I spoke up, I would seem ungrateful.
I was so wrong for thinking this way.
And I'm scared that in "choosing" to be happy, too many people make mistakes like this one. In believing that we ought to accept our circumstances passively, we put out the fire burning within us. We pass up opportunities for greatness. We waste away our potential.
Choosing to be happy is not enough.
I experience a knee-jerk twinge of disgust whenever I hear that I can "choose" to be happy because it feels like these voices are pressing me to settle for less, which is completely against my nature, my faith, and the God I believe in. It feels like I am being told that I should be less than what I am capable of.
It's difficult to draw a line between finding joy in the journey and resigning myself to unfortunate circumstances.
I've made terrible mistakes as I've tried to strike that balance.
I could have spoken up more in college, in spite of my insecurities. I could have learned more by being willing to risk failure. I could have fought more and waited more for the things I wanted most - the things I loved. Instead, I shrunk back. I chose to accept my circumstances and succumb to them, and I regret it every day.
So here's my theory:
Instead of "choosing to be happy," I'd rather choose to be the master of my fate (See "Invictus" by William E Henley).
I believe in being happy about where you're headed. I believe in finding beauty in your best efforts, even when they are not enough...even when you fail. And you will fail, beautifully.
I believe in letting go of the things that we can't change...but fighting like hell for the things we want that are within our control.
There is NO way that I'm ever going to subscribe to the "this-is-good-enough" mentality. I never want to shrink back because of fear or pressure, though it's tempting and incredibly comfortable.
I believe there is glory in giving your dreams your all, even if giving it your all means you fail - and I have failed, time and time again - at a great cost to myself and those I love most...but I believe that failure can become a sacred experience that unites mankind with deity as we avidly seek to become better, and to learn from our mistakes, and press on igniting the fire burning within our souls.
So, yeah, I'll choose to be happy.
I'll choose to try to let go of the past wrongs I can never take back - those that still keep me up at night. I'll believe that there is grace and forgiveness, even for someone as mixed up as me.
But I will never be "fine" with being less than what I'm capable of being. I refuse to settle and accept the cards I've been dealt. I refuse to go down without a good fight. I refuse to give up on my passions, my loves, my dreams.
I am the captain of my soul.
For me, the best blogs trigger an examination of my core values. I had one of these experiences as I was reading through one of my favorites today: a blog about love.
Today's post is a response to an article I was reading about choosing happiness, "Love Story: Will there be magic?" I recommend reading it through, and assessing your own reactions, before continuing ahead with my post.
[Stop here and read their blog post] ;)
I'm willing to bet that most people have heard some version of the "choose to be happy" speech. If you're anything like me, you might even agree that it has something worthwhile to glean. It appeals to the "pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps" mentality among many of us. We want to believe we're in control of our happiness - because if not, then who is?
...And yet, whatever warm-fuzzies this idea gives me is usually quickly eclipsed by a stronger, more urgent feeling of hot indignation.
Stay with me for a bit here...
As I've been growing up (it's a process), I've believed that a secret to happiness is discipline -- especially over the ever-changing, sometimes explosive emotions that one experiences in a lifetime: anger, hurt, sadness, love. I learned to be skeptical of my inner voice because it can lie. It can trick me. So I chose to fear it, and sometimes shun it. I chose to "be happy" in spite of what I felt.
Don't get me wrong, I agree that happiness should not be predicated upon the "if" statements of life - it ought not depend on if I get into law school, if I can take back the hurt I caused someone I love, or if I can afford to live in a great apartment in Boston (preferably with a balcony and a view).
No - my happiness shouldn't depend on whether I always get my way. So, I believe in choosing happiness as long as it means that I am sincerely finding joy in the journey in spite of what challenges arise, or what patience is required to make my dreams come true.
BUT "choosing" to be happy feels incomplete to me.
It sounds overly simplistic, no? - and maybe even a little insulting. As a human being with real passions and dreams, I find this mentality difficult to relate with. I worry that I'm being attacked for wanting more, and believing that I deserve to fight for more...so we need to further refine this idea.
Allow me to illustrate.
I had a very difficult time speaking up for myself as I progressed into my major in college. I studied International Relations - a major popular among well-informed, middle-class and politically hotheaded Caucasian males. Oy. I felt very out of place.
As an immigrant and a female, I often worried that my peers expected me to stand down. I imagined that I should be happy enough that I had made it to college at all, especially in America. I felt that I should be grateful for my full-ride scholarship, and that showing gratitude meant that I should keep my head down. I was scared of being unconventional, of sounding misinformed, and of rocking the boat. At times, I feared that if I spoke up, I would seem ungrateful.
I was so wrong for thinking this way.
And I'm scared that in "choosing" to be happy, too many people make mistakes like this one. In believing that we ought to accept our circumstances passively, we put out the fire burning within us. We pass up opportunities for greatness. We waste away our potential.
So, here are my two cents...
Choosing to be happy is not enough.
I experience a knee-jerk twinge of disgust whenever I hear that I can "choose" to be happy because it feels like these voices are pressing me to settle for less, which is completely against my nature, my faith, and the God I believe in. It feels like I am being told that I should be less than what I am capable of.
As well-intentioned as it seems, I fear that those voices would have be embrace silent mediocrity and fall into submission to voices louder, and stronger than my own.
And mediocrity makes me cringe. It might be my greatest fear - to reach for less than what I am capable of achieving. To live less, laugh less, speak less, love less than I am able.
It's difficult to draw a line between finding joy in the journey and resigning myself to unfortunate circumstances.
I've made terrible mistakes as I've tried to strike that balance.
I could have spoken up more in college, in spite of my insecurities. I could have learned more by being willing to risk failure. I could have fought more and waited more for the things I wanted most - the things I loved. Instead, I shrunk back. I chose to accept my circumstances and succumb to them, and I regret it every day.
So here's my theory:
Instead of "choosing to be happy," I'd rather choose to be the master of my fate (See "Invictus" by William E Henley).
I believe in being happy about where you're headed. I believe in finding beauty in your best efforts, even when they are not enough...even when you fail. And you will fail, beautifully.
I believe in letting go of the things that we can't change...but fighting like hell for the things we want that are within our control.
There is NO way that I'm ever going to subscribe to the "this-is-good-enough" mentality. I never want to shrink back because of fear or pressure, though it's tempting and incredibly comfortable.
I believe there is glory in giving your dreams your all, even if giving it your all means you fail - and I have failed, time and time again - at a great cost to myself and those I love most...but I believe that failure can become a sacred experience that unites mankind with deity as we avidly seek to become better, and to learn from our mistakes, and press on igniting the fire burning within our souls.
So, yeah, I'll choose to be happy.
I'll choose to try to let go of the past wrongs I can never take back - those that still keep me up at night. I'll believe that there is grace and forgiveness, even for someone as mixed up as me.
But I will never be "fine" with being less than what I'm capable of being. I refuse to settle and accept the cards I've been dealt. I refuse to go down without a good fight. I refuse to give up on my passions, my loves, my dreams.
I am the captain of my soul.
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