On Mormon media choices: what to consider when "what-would-Jesus-do" fails

Today's post requires some background. There's a popular article floating about the Mormon facebook scene called "Stop it with the R-Rated Movies Thing." I found the article itself fairly mild, but I had to stop myself from laughing and cringing at some of the response it received, and the discussions it brought on. The following post is a response to some of the comments found below the article.

Two comments stuck out to me: one which suggested that the world is always black and white (so you're either on God's side or against it?) and another that stated that if Jesus wouldn't do something, than that makes the action not worthwhile, and perhaps even evil. The following is my response to both comments.

Also, today's post will mainly target a Mormon audience, and those familiar with Mormon culture. Some ideas might be difficult to understand from the outside, but I did my best to reference and add details where I thought it might help those who were curious to read on.

Feel free to add your own ideas below.

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Okay, you're right. I'm not sure that Jesus would sit down and watch The Green Mile with me, or any movie for that matter. We'd have WAY bigger things to do - things I'd rather do if Jesus just decided to pop in for a visit…like discuss what on earth I'm doing with my life, whether He understands the decisions I've made, and if He thinks I'm an okay person in spite of mistakes x, y and z…maybe we'd go fishing and talk philosophy.

So I believe that "what-would-Jesus-do?" is sometimes a weak argument, even though it might be incredibly inspiring under the right circumstances.

There are a LOT of things that Jesus would do and would not do that have nothing to do with morality. People are motivated to act by a number of different things - values, personalities, culture, preferences - to name a few. Many actions do NOT fit into a neat morality box. In fact, I'm going to argue that MOST decisions we are asked to make do not easily fit into a black and white morality box, and that this is done on purpose to make us more beautiful human beings.

I choose to share this picture because I want to point out that weddings customs vary between cultures, but that doesn't make it wrong. For instance, you don't have to wear white to have a legitimate wedding that pleases God. God does not "command in all things" (D&C 58:26). He actually wants us to choose and to make decisions. Not everything is clearly defined for us. We're not meant to be lazy thinkers.

Think about it this way…if Jesus were around, He might have bigger things to do than join the Boy Scouts, play the piano, play volleyball, or eat out at a very fancy restaurant with his disciples…Jesus might not wear what I wear or listen to the music I listen to, but that doesn't make those activities inherently evil. Not everything is a matter of morality…good and evil. Sometimes things are just a matter of personality or preference. Please read the following comment from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (a well-known and respected Mormon spiritual leader).

Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. Even identical twins are not identical in their personalities and spiritual identities (Read the full talk [sermon] here).

Sure, some things are black and white...but we don't live in a black/white world, especially once you've got things like "thou shalt not steal" down on lock. C'mon. And even then, if some poor kid is hungry and starving down in Brazil because he was born under inopportune financial circumstances, I reserve the right to believe that God will not condemn him or her for stealing food. Things are complicated. Life is a very complex place for everyone. 

Here's another example. I went to BYU-Idaho for college. Did God expect me to go there? Probably not, but I bet He expected me to learn life lessons from the experiences I created at whichever institution I chose to attend. He expected me to choose where I wanted to go to school and what profession I wanted to pursue, and to lean into my power to choose. I'm learning more everyday that life is all about choices.

As far as I'm concerned, a HUGE part of mortal life is learning to navigate the gray with the help of the Spirit (what you might identify as a conscience), which guides us individually when we don't have clear cut answers like "thou shalt not kill." And again, even in the Bible (Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac in Genesis 22) and Book of Mormon (Nephi slayed Laban in 1 Nephi 4:10 for the greater good of mankind) we find examples of times when God allowed for variation under special circumstances because we live in a complex and imperfect world, and a specific situation might call for unique actions. 

So, killing people? Not okay, generally speaking. 

But even with something most people can agree on, like taking away someone's life, things get complicated. We live in a world where war unfortunately exists, and where self defense might bring harm to a perpetrator. Does that make it okay? No. But should we condemn soldiers, for instance? I'm gonna say absolutely not, even though I'm not the biggest fan of warfare.

We're on earth to learn to live a higher law than the basics…to learn and become incredibly and willfully awesome… not to blindly follow, so I resent some of the comments that admonished me to "just do it." I don't buy into that kind of psychology. I believe in a God that wants me to care about the choices I make, whose entire purpose for putting me on this earth was to learn to choose. By Mormon doctrine, blind "obedience" was Satan's idea. Our Heavenly Father wanted us to learn and become more like them...agents unto ourselves...not silly puppets being controlled without thought or without wrestling with complicated things. 

A really good friend once admitted to me that he worried that Mormon religion made people stop thinking because it was too easy to just go with the flow and buy into the culture. He was afraid that it made it easy for me to forget to live purposefully. I fought him so hard when he suggested it - I was very upset. I did not want to accept it. But if I'm being honest, I actually can see the danger associated with going with the flow...not just for Mormons, but for group of people who allow common trends and popular ideas to govern their own thinking without ever really questioning them. It's really easy to, especially on things that are not morally black and white. My hope is that we never forget to live - really live - a thoughtful life.

So back to our topic: watching rated-R movies. 

Personally, I don't have a problem with anyone who chooses not to watch rated-R movies. I had some roommates in college who chose to take it one step further and watch only PG movies because that works for them. That's great. It doesn't work for me, but it's for them to decide. I've got enough problems of my own to keep me busy. 

For my Mormon friends, Article of Faith 11 encourages us to worship according to the dictates of our conscience and allowing all others the privilege to do the same. Boy, I did NOT understand that as a teenager, and I was incredibly judgmental because of it. I was young, so I'm not gonna lose sleep over it, but I did miss out on some great opportunities to learn about empathy, compassion, and true love.

Scroll down on the above link and you'll find that Article 13 invites us to seek after all things that are of good report and praiseworthy. That search for truth and good can come in a VERY diverse way for different people. Remember the words of President Uchtdorf, we are not meant to all be one mold. We're meant to bring our diversity to the table and to unite as a human race. In face, here's another quote I love from President Uchtdorf:

One might ask, “If the gospel is so wonderful, why would anyone leave?” 

Sometimes we assume it is because they have been offended or lazy or sinful. Actually, it is not that simple... 

In this Church that honors personal agency so strongly, that was restored by a young man who asked questions and sought answers, we respect those who honestly search for truth. It may break our hearts when their journey takes them away from the Church we love and the truth we have found, but we honor their right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own conscience, just as we claim that privilege for ourselves. (Read full talk here).

And for those reasons, I choose to not make it my responsibility to fight people who want to watch a rated-R movie, or to judge them as wrong. It's up to each person to decide how to live the gospel in their lives. It's not up to me, or to anyone else.

Having watched The Green Mile, I have to say that the message that sticks with me was not what some suggested in the comments. It was not "let's have crazy amounts of lustful sex and commit random acts of horrible violence"…In fact, it taught me the exact opposite.

The Green Mile taught me about the value of sacrifice, and of being a the best person you know how to be no matter what cost. I inspired me to actively fight against racism and discrimination, and how being close-minded makes people act like idiots and make regrettable decisions. It also reminded me that miracles can come from the most unexpected places. 

My take away revolved around the idea that I should believe in the good that exists within people and that I should continuously keep giving out good, in spite of the awful things that happen in this world, or the hurtful things that happen to me…in spite of how bad people can be (or how bad I can be at times)...there is still hope.

Yeah, I'm the kind of Mormon that watches rated-R movies. NOT ALL OF THEM. Just like I don't watch all PG-13 movies, or PG movies. I think about the things I watch, and decide if it's worth my time. I didn't exactly grow up in a culture that taught me in this clean cut way. There is no MPAA ratings in Brazil, so I evaluate and make educated decisions about the kind of entertainment I engage in.

In spite of that, I still think I'm a solid person that God wants on His side. Trust me, I've done worst, but I still believe I'm worth saving. 

I am not either a good, God loving person or not because I live a "gray" lifestyle. I sincerely hope to never believe life is that simple. I don't believe growth can happen if we never open ourselves up to the idea that we might not have all the information, and that other people might see something I don't see somewhere I don't see it.

Here's a thought from a great article I read this week on Feminist Mormon Housewives:

My hope for my church, and ultimately for the world, is a community of open-minded individuals who don’t see the differences between us as a line in the sand that segregates and fuels our fears, but embraces these differences and celebrates that we are all children of Heavenly Parents who made us this way with a divine purpose. 

I believe a lot of life is how you interpret it.

So if you watch The Green Mile because you wanna get off on depicted scenes of rape or murder, than that might be what you take away...but it's not what everyone takes away.

Bottom line: I'm not going to tell another Mormon that they can't find good in questionable places because I know I'm still good... and I'm fairly questionable. I'm also not gonna say you NEED to watch it to learn the above lessons. You don't. You can learn them in different ways. So, just do what works for you, and keep it between you and the God you believe in.

You are right though…I might not sit and watch the 3+ hour movie with Jesus if He dropped in for a random visit some day, but I would definitely discuss some of those controversial take aways with Him, maybe over some raspberry-flavored tea, and hope that He could help me shed some light onto some of the questions I still have about life.