Re-settling into Boston

Saying Goodbye to CCS

I have to say that saying goodbye to CCS and India was going fairly well, until sometime around 4PM on Friday afternnon. My last day was fairly eventful, and it had started well. I dressed up for work in one of my nicer outfits. I had planned to take lots of pictures, so I wanted to look nice. I even had Sitara braid my hair because she is fabulous at braiding. I arrived at Munirka around the usual time,  and I asked Sunil how I should say in Hindi that today was my last day to the women. I had a general idea, but I needed him to teach me how to say "last." He did, so I was ready for it when the girls asked me. I only taught a little bit that day. I spent most of my time saying good bye to the girls.

Me and Pooja, on the one picture she'd let me take of her a few days before I left. Even though I missed Shabnam a lot when she left two weeks early to visit her family in her village, I was happy that her absence allowed me to get to know Pooja a bit better, and to give a shy 14 year old girl my undivided attention. It was through this experience that I learned that she never learned to read and write in Hindi. So I undertook the task of learning the Hindi alphabet in order to teach it to her because that would be way more useful than learning the English alphabet.

I have to admit, I was really anxious about how they'd see me off. I didn't want them to cry, but I also didn't want my leaving to not matter. I wasn't sure what reaction to expect from them. 

These were the girls that were there on my last day: Parvati, Pooja G, Krishna, Manju, Mamta, Neetu, Sarita, Lata, Raj Kumari, Neetu B, and Arti. A lot of the other girls didn't show up because I left on the week of a a festival, so a lot of them were out of town visiting family. Shabnam, Pooja, and Kavita weren't there...and it's just as well...if they had been I probably would have lost it much earlier in the day. Sometimes it's better not to say goodbye; not to see it coming.

Getting hennaed before my flight the next morning. It's really one of the coolest experiences...in spite of the fact that I couldn't do anything useful with my hands for about two hours afterwards...I did actually manage to open the apartment door with my feet though. It was quite impressive, but you had to be there to see the doorknob in order to understand why.

 As I was leaving, I was shocked to find that the girls all stood up. They told me to wait a moment while they put on their shoes and went to call the other girls from the neighborhood who hadn't been there in class that morning to accompany on my walk out of Vidya towards the road where I'd be picked up. The girls walked with me, mostly in silence...until one woman, Lata, the mother of the 10 year old boy I'd spent my first week teaching, broke down into tears. She refused to walk me the rest of the way and insisted I say goodbye while we were still walking through the Munirka households. She hugged me for a while, tears strolling uncontrollably, and I felt powerless guilt. I wanted to comfort her, but the words escaped me. Even if we had spoken the same language, I'm not sure there's really anything I could have said that wouldn't have sounded empty. I had to leave. I couldn't help it. I didn't belong here...my stay was temporary from the beginning and they knew it....and yet...here we were. Holding each other, and barely holding it together.

Trying to make the girls smile and laugh on this last group picture that we will take together. I loved that we were able to capture them laughing. They always refused to smile in pictures unless I made a total idiot of myself in order to make them laugh. I don't regret it.

Raj Kumari and the other girls lost their composure soon after...and I felt like I had failed them somehow. I know it's irrational, but I felt more destroyed because I could not stop them from feeling sad than because I actually felt sad. Sure, I'd miss those girls...but they had changed me, and I knew that I would always remember that, even if we never were to see each other again. They had changed me...As their teacher and mentor, I felt that I needed to stop them from feeling hurt, but I couldn't...not this time, and that feeling confused and alarmed me more than anything else. As we drove away, I stared after them and they touched their hands to the car window in a final goodbye. I love them. And though the distance threatens to overpower the good that came out of our relationship, I know that we were better people because we met.

Raj-Kumari & Lata saying goodbye

Sometimes people come and go our lives...and we're supposed to feel sad about that, but I feel glad. I am happy that they came in. Even if their stay was not permanent, their effect on me was, and I'm so grateful.

Ashley, Joyce, Sitara, and I heading out to eat dessert and have virgin Mojitos at Zo's one last time before Sitara and I left in the morning.

I was able to hold back my emotions until Sitara had to go and mention how the people she met and got to know became family at our good bye meeting with the staff....I started tearing up then, and of course, Jaggi and Bela weren't going to let me live it down and began to tease me about it, but I was happy.

Me & Sitara with the Staff (our family away from home). I love this picture. Even Suresh is smiling!

Volunteering is the essence of bittersweet. We know we're going there for a set amount of time before we ever leave home...and yet we're so excited and so anxious to give our experience our very best. We also know that no matter how much we do, we will never solve the problems we are seeking to address single-handed. We know that once we leave, we will see very few results....if any. But we know that being there made a difference in our lives. We know it changed us for the better, even when we have to say goodbye.

That's probably why bittersweet is my favorite emotion. It's the marriage and co-existence of both the best and the worst of something. It's the price we pay for the best experiences of our lives.


Back to Boston

I've been back for about three weeks now, and I've finally readjusted. It's appropriate that my favorite person in India dropped me off at the airport (Thanks, Joyce), and my favorite people met me at the airport back home, Chris, my parents and Naomi. I was an insomniac for about two weeks afterwards; going to sleep at 6pm and waking up 2am or 4am every morning. I'm finally settling back into the time zone, but I'm still not sleeping past 6am or 7am...even when I really want to.

My street is lined with stores and is always busy with cars and people.

When my professionally done henna finally faded, I decided to try drawing some one my own. I think I did a pretty good job, thank you, youtube. I had bought 5 henna tubes for a total of $1...and I'm wishing I had bought more. It's become a little bit of a hobby. I'm thinking I might start doing it at parties or for weddings around Boston once I get a little quicker, and I come up with a few more designs to display.

I have also begun crocheting...Yep. Did I mention I'm still not employed? Well technically speaking, I won't have even officially graduated until December 22nd...but still, I'm bored...and Chris is working during the day with the car...so I'm home most of the time trying to stay busy for now. So, I've begun crocheting....Not bad for my first scarf right? I got it done in one day. Maybe I'll turn this hobby into a side profession too, who knows? For now, I'm just crocheting because my church is providing the yarn and has asked people who know how to crochet or knit or whatever to make scarfs for children and families who might not have the financial means to have a proper Christmas celebration. So I figured, I'm not doing anything yet...so why now crochet for the needy? Let's see how many I get done by December.

Chris' birthday was last Thursday and I planned a little surprise party.

Thank you, Pinterest.

Some gifts. He's so lucky really, he gets to celebrate his birthday and Christmas in less than a month apart.

Goodies, thanks to my mom for helping to make food for the part.

Singing happy birthday around the cake.

Teaching Camilla to use the panoramic mode on the camera. She was thoroughly amused.

Prestigio flavored cake (a Brazilian chocolate that resembles the American "Almond Joy"). Yes, Chris' name is written in carved peaches. It's my mom...she's very creative.

Ca & Jess

Matt stuffed a balloon in Kaihe's shirt and we were deciding if he looked more like Quasimodo or Igor. Hehe. Those kids added a lot of life to the party.

Chris and I have been adjusting to life in Boston together over the last few weeks. The greatest challenge we've had has been finding permanent work, but we're handling it with grace. Even though I was pretty set on following a career path in education, I've had some trouble finding work because I didn't get a degree in teaching, so it might take some time before I get certified. I was thinking about applying for Teach for America, and I even begun the application, which is due sometime between January and February, but I had an interview with Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) last Wednesday that I'm supposed to be hearing back from next week. If I get this job with MGH, then I'm looking at a minimum two-year commitment, which is fine because it's a good opportunity, but it would throw my plans for teaching off by a couple of years...I'm not too bummed out about it though because Teach for America will always be around, and it'll always be an interest of mine to teach, so we'll decide which direction I'll go next week depending on what I hear back from MGH. Either way, I'm 21, and not too worried about finding a set career yet. I'm actually enjoying the time off, in spite of brief fits of boredom. Chris also has a second interview on Monday with a local consulting firm. We're hoping desperately to get regular jobs soon so that we can feel like life is more stable. All in all, though, we're doing very well. We're young. We're talented. We're ambitious....and it's only a matter of time. It's just a game of patience now, but I would say that, except for a constant craving for Indian food, I've effectively resettled into life in Boston.

'V'onderful Varanasi

Our trip to Varanasi this past weekend was quite the adventure. We made a whole lot of plans that we learned when we arrived were going to be unlikely. We dealt with a flight delay that threw off our Sunday plans. And we paid a whole heck of a lot to book a flight there...However, all things considered, it was an unforgettable experience that I would have regretted missing out on for the rest of my life. I always wondered what it would be like to visit Varanasi, and, well, it was in many ways exactly and completely opposite than what I had imagined....but thus is India - a self-contracting axiom I am only just beginning to understand. I daresay, I will never fully be able to comprehend it. So here's me trying my best to enjoy the journey.

Our first stop after checking into our hotel was Sarnath. This is the Buddhist temple where the rickshaw driver dropped us off at, but we were trying to get to the Dhamekh Stupa Monument Site, so we were a little confused.

This is the actualy place we wanted to visit in Sarnath. This is the location of Buddha's first sermon.

We dove into some serious traffic on our way back from Sarnath...At one point we were blocked off from the road so that a train could pass, and that was when we realized that we were the only four women unaccompanied by a man on the road...so all of the guys on motorcycles blatantly stared, without any inhibition. At one point I began waving to people who kept on starting with a smirk on my face, much to Joyce's dismay, who what trying her best to disappear...but I figured, if I'm going to be treated like a celebrity, I might as well own it.

The store owners of a silk factory decided to show us every silk scarf they had in stock when I mentioned I was looking for a scarf. Joyce got a similar treatment when she asked for a sari, but they were much more enthusiastic about getting her money, since saris are a lot more expensive.

Later at night we decided that we wanted to grab a boat on the Ganges so that we could witness a few rituals being performed by the Brahmin there. It lasted about an hour, and it made me wish I understood Hinduism a lot better because I was really lost for most of it. All in all though, it was a cool experience.

We headed for the Ganges again on Sunday morning because we wanted to get some more pictures and stay for low-key this day. The girls were very nice about shopping mainly on Saturday evening so that I could keep the Sabbath holy on my end. It was really awesome of them, and I'm glad I went with such a considerate group. Here's a picture of me in front of a boat with the Indian flag painted against its side.

Joyce, me, and Ashley. These girls are too funny. Honestly, I always laugh so much when I'm with them.

A panoramic view of one of the ghats, and  the Ganges. We spent about two hours on Sunday just boating through the Ganges and taking pictures. We also witnessed a few cremations, which were really interesting, but we could not take pictures at that time because it's a sacred ordinance for the Hindus, so I don't have any pictures from that experience, but I can respect that.

That edifice sinking to my left used to be a temple. Our boat guide, Babu, told us that it had sunk 10 feet over the course of the years. The water levels here at Varanasi are also apparently always changing pretty drastically.

I am very proud of myself because I can effectively read in Hindi now...even though I don't understand what I'm reading...It's progress, and I'm excited to continue learning once I get back home.

ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? Ok, that's a dead body. It's one of three we saw on our Ganges escapades. Yep. And I didn't feel terrible snapping a photo since this is technically a good thing for Hindus. Babu was explaining that under certain specific circumstances bodies should not be cremated, but instead should be put into the Ganges River (infants, people who died from a cobra's bite, etc.). It was kind of shocking because we had expected to see the dead bodies being cremated, which is totally cool in my mind because I was ready for it...but seeing the bodies floating in the water was a little startling, but I did my best not to be a close-minded tourist about it.

The Epic Varanasi Shot...or so I call it. Every time I see pictures of Varanasi, I see pictures like this, that include these building in the back, and these boats, so I wanted to get a picture in front of that area too.

Again proud to announce I can read the Hindi on the side of the boats.

People always stare at me when I wear sunglasses. At least I'm assuming that this is the reason why they stare. Lalit was explaining to me today that it's not as common for people to wear shades here, let alone women because it's usually an expensive commodity to come across. Little do they know my shades were only 10$...which is comparatively a lot, but still not nearly as expensive as they think it is. People also always laugh at me because I smile in my pictures. I guess that's not proper either for ladies to smile.

The Umbrellas. We were on the Ganges for about two hours and it was blazing hot in Varanasi. Babu thoughtfully brought enough umbrellas for each of us along so that we would have some means of blocking out the sun. It was very thoughtful, but it was so hot. 

A little boy playing with some paper in the water by the ghat where people go to specifically to wash clothes.

The baby was being blessed.

This is the ghat that was closest to our hotel, which only about a 5 minute walk from here. It's much nicer in the daytime when the beetles and other insects are hiding away from the sun. We were super startled when we came here at night because we weren't expecting grasshoppers that were inches long and could always fly they jumped so high, or millions of black beetles that totally reminded me from the flesh-eating beetles on The Mummy movies. 

My already clear tan lines on my feet got even worse after our boat-ride in the sun. It's no wonder most tourists aren't seen on the Ganges during the hot hours of the day.

A lot of people were very open about bathing publicly naked on the Ganges. I saw two fully naked men, and one fully naked woman...which was different considering the value of modesty within Indian society, especially in regards to women. The woman that I saw bathing naked was right next to a group of bathing men...which was even more bizarre considering the culture.

I got dizzy every time I climbed up those stares. They were super narrow.

Cows and water buffalo were a lot fatter in Varanasi than any other city we traveled to. Maybe it's got something to do with it being the Holy City for Hindus, but it was really curious. The cows were also much more aggressive here and had no problem stepping into traffic or running through a crowd of people at full speed, which was kind of dangerous, but cool to witness.

Walking back to the hotel after our adventures in the Ganges. While were on the boat, our airline called letting us know about the two hour delay of our already late flight...so we were rushing back to the hotel to grab our confirmation numbers so we could change our flights to get an earlier one. It was sad because we ended up leaving a couple of hours earlier than we planned, so we had to skip the temples...but the truth was that I was templed out at this point, so I was ok with coming back "home." It's funny how Delhi has become our home here in India..it just feels so much more comfortable than anywhere else now that I've been living here for a while.

Cycle-Rickshaws

A lot of the women who ride in motorcycles in Delhi cover their hair, faces, and arms to prevent breathing in pollution and exhaust and getting to your destination looking raggedy and dirty.

Yes, that baby in on her mother's lap riding sideways in the back on a motorcycle. No big deal.

Ashley and I squeezing together in the back of the rickshaw on our hour long frantic ride back to the airport to catch our earlier flight. We were startled to learn that the airport was so far away from the ghats and the tourist spots in the city, but we improvised and made a lot of friends along the way.

The airport. Back to Delhi for my last week in India. So bittersweet.