Re-settling into Boston

Saying Goodbye to CCS

I have to say that saying goodbye to CCS and India was going fairly well, until sometime around 4PM on Friday afternnon. My last day was fairly eventful, and it had started well. I dressed up for work in one of my nicer outfits. I had planned to take lots of pictures, so I wanted to look nice. I even had Sitara braid my hair because she is fabulous at braiding. I arrived at Munirka around the usual time,  and I asked Sunil how I should say in Hindi that today was my last day to the women. I had a general idea, but I needed him to teach me how to say "last." He did, so I was ready for it when the girls asked me. I only taught a little bit that day. I spent most of my time saying good bye to the girls.

Me and Pooja, on the one picture she'd let me take of her a few days before I left. Even though I missed Shabnam a lot when she left two weeks early to visit her family in her village, I was happy that her absence allowed me to get to know Pooja a bit better, and to give a shy 14 year old girl my undivided attention. It was through this experience that I learned that she never learned to read and write in Hindi. So I undertook the task of learning the Hindi alphabet in order to teach it to her because that would be way more useful than learning the English alphabet.

I have to admit, I was really anxious about how they'd see me off. I didn't want them to cry, but I also didn't want my leaving to not matter. I wasn't sure what reaction to expect from them. 

These were the girls that were there on my last day: Parvati, Pooja G, Krishna, Manju, Mamta, Neetu, Sarita, Lata, Raj Kumari, Neetu B, and Arti. A lot of the other girls didn't show up because I left on the week of a a festival, so a lot of them were out of town visiting family. Shabnam, Pooja, and Kavita weren't there...and it's just as well...if they had been I probably would have lost it much earlier in the day. Sometimes it's better not to say goodbye; not to see it coming.

Getting hennaed before my flight the next morning. It's really one of the coolest experiences...in spite of the fact that I couldn't do anything useful with my hands for about two hours afterwards...I did actually manage to open the apartment door with my feet though. It was quite impressive, but you had to be there to see the doorknob in order to understand why.

 As I was leaving, I was shocked to find that the girls all stood up. They told me to wait a moment while they put on their shoes and went to call the other girls from the neighborhood who hadn't been there in class that morning to accompany on my walk out of Vidya towards the road where I'd be picked up. The girls walked with me, mostly in silence...until one woman, Lata, the mother of the 10 year old boy I'd spent my first week teaching, broke down into tears. She refused to walk me the rest of the way and insisted I say goodbye while we were still walking through the Munirka households. She hugged me for a while, tears strolling uncontrollably, and I felt powerless guilt. I wanted to comfort her, but the words escaped me. Even if we had spoken the same language, I'm not sure there's really anything I could have said that wouldn't have sounded empty. I had to leave. I couldn't help it. I didn't belong here...my stay was temporary from the beginning and they knew it....and yet...here we were. Holding each other, and barely holding it together.

Trying to make the girls smile and laugh on this last group picture that we will take together. I loved that we were able to capture them laughing. They always refused to smile in pictures unless I made a total idiot of myself in order to make them laugh. I don't regret it.

Raj Kumari and the other girls lost their composure soon after...and I felt like I had failed them somehow. I know it's irrational, but I felt more destroyed because I could not stop them from feeling sad than because I actually felt sad. Sure, I'd miss those girls...but they had changed me, and I knew that I would always remember that, even if we never were to see each other again. They had changed me...As their teacher and mentor, I felt that I needed to stop them from feeling hurt, but I couldn't...not this time, and that feeling confused and alarmed me more than anything else. As we drove away, I stared after them and they touched their hands to the car window in a final goodbye. I love them. And though the distance threatens to overpower the good that came out of our relationship, I know that we were better people because we met.

Raj-Kumari & Lata saying goodbye

Sometimes people come and go our lives...and we're supposed to feel sad about that, but I feel glad. I am happy that they came in. Even if their stay was not permanent, their effect on me was, and I'm so grateful.

Ashley, Joyce, Sitara, and I heading out to eat dessert and have virgin Mojitos at Zo's one last time before Sitara and I left in the morning.

I was able to hold back my emotions until Sitara had to go and mention how the people she met and got to know became family at our good bye meeting with the staff....I started tearing up then, and of course, Jaggi and Bela weren't going to let me live it down and began to tease me about it, but I was happy.

Me & Sitara with the Staff (our family away from home). I love this picture. Even Suresh is smiling!

Volunteering is the essence of bittersweet. We know we're going there for a set amount of time before we ever leave home...and yet we're so excited and so anxious to give our experience our very best. We also know that no matter how much we do, we will never solve the problems we are seeking to address single-handed. We know that once we leave, we will see very few results....if any. But we know that being there made a difference in our lives. We know it changed us for the better, even when we have to say goodbye.

That's probably why bittersweet is my favorite emotion. It's the marriage and co-existence of both the best and the worst of something. It's the price we pay for the best experiences of our lives.


Back to Boston

I've been back for about three weeks now, and I've finally readjusted. It's appropriate that my favorite person in India dropped me off at the airport (Thanks, Joyce), and my favorite people met me at the airport back home, Chris, my parents and Naomi. I was an insomniac for about two weeks afterwards; going to sleep at 6pm and waking up 2am or 4am every morning. I'm finally settling back into the time zone, but I'm still not sleeping past 6am or 7am...even when I really want to.

My street is lined with stores and is always busy with cars and people.

When my professionally done henna finally faded, I decided to try drawing some one my own. I think I did a pretty good job, thank you, youtube. I had bought 5 henna tubes for a total of $1...and I'm wishing I had bought more. It's become a little bit of a hobby. I'm thinking I might start doing it at parties or for weddings around Boston once I get a little quicker, and I come up with a few more designs to display.

I have also begun crocheting...Yep. Did I mention I'm still not employed? Well technically speaking, I won't have even officially graduated until December 22nd...but still, I'm bored...and Chris is working during the day with the car...so I'm home most of the time trying to stay busy for now. So, I've begun crocheting....Not bad for my first scarf right? I got it done in one day. Maybe I'll turn this hobby into a side profession too, who knows? For now, I'm just crocheting because my church is providing the yarn and has asked people who know how to crochet or knit or whatever to make scarfs for children and families who might not have the financial means to have a proper Christmas celebration. So I figured, I'm not doing anything yet...so why now crochet for the needy? Let's see how many I get done by December.

Chris' birthday was last Thursday and I planned a little surprise party.

Thank you, Pinterest.

Some gifts. He's so lucky really, he gets to celebrate his birthday and Christmas in less than a month apart.

Goodies, thanks to my mom for helping to make food for the part.

Singing happy birthday around the cake.

Teaching Camilla to use the panoramic mode on the camera. She was thoroughly amused.

Prestigio flavored cake (a Brazilian chocolate that resembles the American "Almond Joy"). Yes, Chris' name is written in carved peaches. It's my mom...she's very creative.

Ca & Jess

Matt stuffed a balloon in Kaihe's shirt and we were deciding if he looked more like Quasimodo or Igor. Hehe. Those kids added a lot of life to the party.

Chris and I have been adjusting to life in Boston together over the last few weeks. The greatest challenge we've had has been finding permanent work, but we're handling it with grace. Even though I was pretty set on following a career path in education, I've had some trouble finding work because I didn't get a degree in teaching, so it might take some time before I get certified. I was thinking about applying for Teach for America, and I even begun the application, which is due sometime between January and February, but I had an interview with Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) last Wednesday that I'm supposed to be hearing back from next week. If I get this job with MGH, then I'm looking at a minimum two-year commitment, which is fine because it's a good opportunity, but it would throw my plans for teaching off by a couple of years...I'm not too bummed out about it though because Teach for America will always be around, and it'll always be an interest of mine to teach, so we'll decide which direction I'll go next week depending on what I hear back from MGH. Either way, I'm 21, and not too worried about finding a set career yet. I'm actually enjoying the time off, in spite of brief fits of boredom. Chris also has a second interview on Monday with a local consulting firm. We're hoping desperately to get regular jobs soon so that we can feel like life is more stable. All in all, though, we're doing very well. We're young. We're talented. We're ambitious....and it's only a matter of time. It's just a game of patience now, but I would say that, except for a constant craving for Indian food, I've effectively resettled into life in Boston.