Do you ever have one of those days when you find yourself overwhelmingly confused by the actions of someone you care about? When you waste countless hours racking your brain for a reason behind their words or deeds, and trying to understand whether they are doing the right thing, or the wrong thing? When you find yourself perplexed by their motivations?
Does that happen to you often?
I have those days on a regular basis. I am constantly pinpointing (often mistakenly) what motivates the actions of the people around me, especially when those actions seem to go against what I would call my own personal idea of "conventional wisdom."
So what can we do?
Realize that everyone has different priorities, and that it's okay. People's ideas of what's important may be different from yours, but that doesn't make it any less valid than your ideas. I find myself wasting too much time thinking prescriptively.
This is what you should do...This is what you shouldn't do.
Unfortunately, the adult world I'm familiar with is not so black and white. It's all a matter of what you prioritize, and what you hold dear. That's what determines what motivates you, or anyone to action.
Avoid the mistake I usually make of jumping to conclusions and assigning judgements to people's decisions. More often than not, if you can't understand why someone does something (and it drives you a little nuts), you simply don't value the same things they value, OR you don't value them to the same degree.
I spent a number of hours last night laughing, crying and discussing this idea with a close friend of mine. As we sat in her cozy Cambridge apartment and talked until the early hours of the morning, I realized how much energy I waste away ascribing generalized prescriptions to how one "should" live. Avoid my mistake. Stop it. You're usually going to be wrong anyway.
What can you do instead?
Step back. Spend time learning about yourself, and use the moments that frustrate you to discover new, emerging elements of your personality. Use them to unleash your hidden values: the ones you didn't realize your had until someone challenged them.
Embrace who you are. Learn what motivates and drives you.
Accept that most people are usually not trying to hurt you. When you feel offended by what someone has said or done, consider that they might just hold dear something you didn't think to consider important. They probably haven't realized that about themselves yet either.
And remember that values and priorities may change. For you, and everyone else.
Let it happen.
Does that happen to you often?
I have those days on a regular basis. I am constantly pinpointing (often mistakenly) what motivates the actions of the people around me, especially when those actions seem to go against what I would call my own personal idea of "conventional wisdom."
So what can we do?
Realize that everyone has different priorities, and that it's okay. People's ideas of what's important may be different from yours, but that doesn't make it any less valid than your ideas. I find myself wasting too much time thinking prescriptively.
This is what you should do...This is what you shouldn't do.
Unfortunately, the adult world I'm familiar with is not so black and white. It's all a matter of what you prioritize, and what you hold dear. That's what determines what motivates you, or anyone to action.
Avoid the mistake I usually make of jumping to conclusions and assigning judgements to people's decisions. More often than not, if you can't understand why someone does something (and it drives you a little nuts), you simply don't value the same things they value, OR you don't value them to the same degree.
I spent a number of hours last night laughing, crying and discussing this idea with a close friend of mine. As we sat in her cozy Cambridge apartment and talked until the early hours of the morning, I realized how much energy I waste away ascribing generalized prescriptions to how one "should" live. Avoid my mistake. Stop it. You're usually going to be wrong anyway.
What can you do instead?
Step back. Spend time learning about yourself, and use the moments that frustrate you to discover new, emerging elements of your personality. Use them to unleash your hidden values: the ones you didn't realize your had until someone challenged them.
Embrace who you are. Learn what motivates and drives you.
Accept that most people are usually not trying to hurt you. When you feel offended by what someone has said or done, consider that they might just hold dear something you didn't think to consider important. They probably haven't realized that about themselves yet either.
And remember that values and priorities may change. For you, and everyone else.
Let it happen.
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